Man in the Middle
by Cke1st
Summary: When the son of a Viking chief marries the love of his life, their wedding night has to have witnesses. Could anything be worse? Yes, if one of those witnesses is a well-meaning but confused Night Fury. Rated T for adult themes; the language is all K. Hiccstrid.
1. Chapter 1

**Man in the Middle **Chapter 1

A/N I first covered this theme in an older story called "How Is It Done?" (The title is a line by Lt. Uhura from a Star Trek episode called "The Apple.") I wrote that one before I learned about public consummations for Viking chiefs' families. That concept has held a morbid fascination to me ever since. So I've revisited the subject.

**o**

The new Mr. and Mrs. Haddock sat at the head table of their wedding reception, glumly sipping honeyed mead and wishing it was tomorrow. They were not unhappy with the wedding; it had gone smoothly and was mercifully brief. Nor were they unhappy with the reception; there were plenty of people there to interact with each other, so that the bride and groom were left by themselves now and then, which was what they heartily wanted. And they weren't unhappy at all with the fact that they were married. For Hiccup, it was his lifelong dream come true. For Astrid, the dream was less than a year old, but no less heartfelt for that.

They were unhappy about their upcoming wedding night. Specifically, the fact that the whole thing was going to be as public as the wedding and the reception. When a chief's son got married, the consummation had to be witnessed by multiple members of both families and notable citizens of the town. It was Viking law, backed up by longstanding tradition, and there was no getting out of it.

Hiccup had tried _everything_ to get out of it it. He'd plied his father with questions about any possible exemption or exception to the rule; there were none. He'd asked Gobber, who was older and had been around; he'd never heard of any tribe doing things differently. He'd even gone to Gothi, with Gobber to interpret, and asked if she knew any way out of this situation. She'd drawn one of her little pictures in response. Unlike most of her pictures, Hiccup understood this one without needing an interpreter. Its meaning was _painfully_ clear, to the extent that he'd blushed and looked away. There was no escape.

Every few minutes, he would glance at his bride and marvel at her beauty, and his good luck in marrying her. She would glance back, and they would start to smile at each other. But then, some half-drunk Viking on the other side of the room would launch into a ribald song that would have been more appropriate at an all-male drinking party than a wedding reception, and they would be forcibly reminded that, in an hour or less, the beginning of their married life would be a spectator sport. They would cringe and look away from each other in embarrassment.

Off to the side of the hall, Toothless lay against the wall, watching the goings-on with very mixed feelings. Loud noises were upsetting to dragons, and this reception had plenty of loud noises. The crowds kept him from getting close to Hiccup, which always bothered him. He understood that this kind of gathering was supposed to be a good thing among humans. Yet he felt such a mix of emotions from his best friend that he honestly didn't know if this particular party was a good thing or a bad thing. He kept sensing a happy-scared, happy-scared pattern from Hiccup, and it had something to do with the girl beside him. That girl was always the source of Hiccup's strongest emotions, both good and bad. Now those strong emotions were getting mixed together like Zippleback gas and sparks, and the mix felt just as explosive. Toothless didn't really know what was going on, but he was determined to keep his friend safe, no matter what might happen.

Astrid leaned over to Hiccup. "Do they have to sing those awful songs?"

"I think they do it because they're nervous," Hiccup answered her. "They're going to be almost as embarrassed to watch us as we'll be when we... you know... and they're putting up a front to hide it. Kind of like acting brave when you're really terrified." _Which is what I'm doing right now,_ he added mentally.

"Well, if _they're_ that nervous, and they're just _watching_, then what kinds of songs should _we_ be singing?" she asked.

"How about 'It's Time for Me to Fly'?" he suggested, with a wry grin. "If we could jump on our dragons and get out of here, I'd move so fast, they'd think I was part Night Fury!"

"You and me both," she nodded heartily. "Could we?"

"No," he said, and his grin vanished. "This is how it is when you marry a chief's son. Maybe you'd have been happier with Snotlout."

She belted him in the arm. "_That's_ for even thinking such a thing!" she snarled. Then she kissed him lightly on the lips. "That's for everything else."

"Yeah, but it's that 'everything else' that's got me worried," he said. He was fine, as long as he could keep his eyes and his thoughts exclusively on her.

Stoick suddenly stood up on a table. "All right, everyone!" he bellowed. "The party is going to keep going, but the bride and groom have something important to take care of! All the chosen witnesses, follow us! It's time." Astrid glanced at Hiccup; he looked like he might get sick. At least he had the good grace to be bothered by all this, rather than looking forward to it, like most of the men in the room seemed to be doing. She'd been warned by her married female relatives about what to expect, and she, the mighty warrior maiden who had fought dragons, was scared to death.

The chief grabbed each of them by an arm, stood them up, and half-guided, half-pushed them toward the exit. Astrid looked back and was dismayed by the number of people who were following them. There were only a dozen or so, but she would have much preferred a smaller number, like zero. The worst part was that some of them were her own family members! She felt a sudden overpowering urge to run for her dragon anyway, but Stoick's firm grip on her arm made that impossible. It was as if he _expected_ an attempt at escape. Hiccup was desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

The procession led from the Mead Hall to the new house that Hiccup (and friends and family) had just finished building. The chief opened the door and allowed the bride and groom to enter first. Then he went in, followed by the witnesses, who spread out around the fur-covered bed. Hiccup and Astrid were desperately trying to keep as much distance as possible between them and that bed, without making it look like they were avoiding it. Hiccup thought of all the times he'd felt awkward and tongue-tied around Astrid before, and realized he hadn't even scratched the surface yet.

Then one more witness came in and found a place along the wall. If anyone noticed Toothless, they said nothing. Maybe they were totally accustomed to seeing Hiccup and his black, scaly friend together wherever they went. Maybe they just didn't want to deal with a dragon in the room. The newlyweds were the focus of all their attention.

The room suddenly grew quiet. Hiccup sensed that it was time to do something. So he said a quick, silent prayer that Thor would smite the house with a lightning bolt and scare everyone away. Nothing happened. _It's __so__ hard to get help from pagan deities these days,_ he thought.

He tried to think of anything that might delay the inevitable. Her flower crown! That had to come off. She bowed her head slightly to make it easier for him; his shaking hands were obvious to everyone. It took him twice as long as it should have taken to unfasten it and remove it. Men in the back were starting to make crude suggestions by the time he finished. As soon as it was off, he wished it wasn't; it really made her look pretty. Of course, she still looked pretty without it.

Now he was out of excuses. He looked around the room nervously. "Come on, get on with it!" someone called. They sat down on the bed. Again he scanned the room.

Astrid was looking forward to this even less than he was. But she was the get-it-over-with type, not the stall-for-time type. She suddenly grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him hard, much like she'd done when he first awoke after the battle with the Red Death. It seemed like a good way to start this thing. There had been plenty of witnesses to that kiss, too.

The critical difference was that Toothless wasn't watching that time. He was already very keyed up and stressed. Maybe it was the suddenness with which she grabbed him, or maybe it was the panicky little noise he made when their lips met, or maybe it was the unfriendly cheers and calls from the witnesses. It might have been all three. _Something_ made him think her act was a hostile one.

He leaped across the room with a roar, terrifying the guests, and landed on the bed. One paw shot out, pushed Astrid away from Hiccup, slammed her to the bed, and pinned her between two of his claws, much like he'd pinned Hiccup to a rock the first time they'd met.

But this bed was not a rock, and it was not built to support a Night Fury. It cracked and collapsed to one side. When it hit the floor, her head hit the bed frame and she saw stars, but didn't quite black out. Hiccup was also knocked over, but he landed on the bed and avoided getting hurt.

The change in the room's mood could not have been more dramatic. The party atmosphere was gone. All the witnesses were stunned into shocked silence. Toothless was grinning at Hiccup, very pleased with himself because he'd defended his friend from some kind of malevolent attack. Astrid was weakly trying to push that great black paw away from her throat. And Hiccup, who had hoped to avoid any Hiccup-style disasters on his wedding day, realized that his hopes and his bed had both been completely destroyed.

His wedding night was off to an even worse start than he'd feared. _That_ was really saying something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Man in the Middle **Chapter 2

Hiccup was the first to regain his composure. Maybe it was because he was so accustomed to being in the middle of disasters. "Toothless, let her go. Let her _go_, bud!" The black dragon slowly withdrew his paw from Astrid's throat, but kept glaring at her when he wasn't trying to smile at Hiccup. The groom helped his stunned bride sit upright. "Astrid, are you okay?"

She shook her head, and promptly regretted it. "Am I allowed to say, 'Not tonight, I have a headache'?"

"Who let that dragon in here anyway?" one of her brothers demanded.

"Get it out of here!" someone else shouted.

"I'm not going _near_ that thing!" said another one. "_You_ get it out of here!"

"It's too late for that," observed Stoick, who was a realist at heart. "Due to circumstances beyond our control, I think we're done here for tonight."

"We have to see a consummation! It's the law!" came a voice from the back of the room.

"There isn't going to be one," Hiccup announced as he stood up on the ruined bed. "The bride is definitely not in the mood, and neither is the bed. I'm a little shook up myself. Sorry, but the show is canceled. We'll try this again in the morning. Maybe." He folded his arms and tried to look firm; it helped that he got a little height from standing on the bed. Stoick nodded in agreement, and the witnesses all muttered and grumbled as they filed out, with the chief holding the door for them.

"Are you two going to be okay?" he asked when everyone else had left.

"I'm all right," Astrid answered, a bit weakly, as she felt the back of her head for a bump.

"We can sleep on the floor; we've got enough furs to be comfortable," Hiccup added.

"If we try this again tomorrow, can you keep the dragon out of the house?" the chief wondered.

"I'll try to explain it to him," Hiccup nodded. "He was stressed because of all the noise and excitement today, that's all. He thought he was protecting me. If we can keep everybody calm, he'll behave better."

"Hiccup, I asked if you can _keep_ him _out_ of the house." The chief's voice took on a slight edge.

"Dad, he goes everywhere with me! He's been sleeping beside me ever since we fought the Red Death; how do I tell him he suddenly has to stop? I don't know if I can explain that to him. Look, can we talk about this in the morning?"

"All right, Hiccup. But if you two... change your minds about your plans for tonight, you _have_ to notify me so I can get some witnesses in here. If you try to get around the law... don't. Just don't. Do we have a deal?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes; this sounded _so_ familiar. "Deal." His father nodded and shut the door.

Now Hiccup turned on Toothless, shaking his finger at him. "Bad dragon! _Very_ bad dragon! You aren't supposed to attack the bride on her wedding night!"

"That's the groom's job," Astrid added quietly.

"You're not helping," he shot back. "Toothless, I don't know how to make you understand this, but our friendship just became a trio. She's part of 'us' now. You've got to treat her special."

Toothless definitely did not understand. He thought he'd done a good thing by defending his friend against an attack. Now his friend was scolding him. But at the same time, all the other ones had left, and Hiccup's stress level was coming down. Wasn't that a good thing? So why was Hiccup upset at him? He was visibly puzzled.

"How can I explain this to you, bud?" he sighed.

"I wish you wouldn't try," his bride said sadly. "I know how much he means to you, but I'm not filled with warm fuzzy feelings toward him right now. Even if he behaves himself, I'm not sure I want him watching us for the rest of our lives together. _One_ night of being watched will be bad enough!"

"He's keyed up because _we_ are," Hiccup responded. "He can always tell when I'm under stress, and it affects him. Once we settle down, he'll settle down too, and he'll be fine."

"Hiccup, would you please put him out of the house? For me?"

Hiccup almost burst out, "That's not fair!" but he clamped down on it. Maybe it _wasn't_ fair, being asked to choose between his new wife and his best friend. But he could see her point. A girl could never relax enough to enjoy marital bliss if she was afraid a one-ton dragon might pounce on her at any moment. At the same time, he couldn't blame Toothless for not understanding human mating rituals. The dragon wasn't trying to do the _wrong_ thing; he'd just made a very bad guess at what the _right_ thing was.

Hiccup hated being stuck in the middle.

With great reluctance, he opened the door. "Toothless, I have to ask you to wait outside for us. Go on out, buddy. We'll see you in the morning."

The dragon shrank away until he was up against the wall. He made a sad little crooning noise and sat down, curling his tail around his feet. He clearly meant to go nowhere.

"Come on, O mighty dragon trainer!" Astrid said. "Show him who's boss! Assert your dominance!"

"I'm just as dominant as he lets me be," Hiccup sighed. "Maybe I could boss a Gronckle around, or even a Nadder, but not him. Nobody bosses a Night Fury. We're going to have to work this out among the three of us, somehow."

"Any idea how?" she asked.

"Not the slightest," he sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Man in the Middle **Chapter 3

Hiccup closed the door and sat down next to Astrid on the furs. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then shook his head.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I'm trying to think," he replied. "It's hard. I just noticed you're wearing a little bit of fragrance. You're totally distracting me."

She half-smiled for the first time since before they'd left the Mead Hall. "Do you want me to sit further away?"

"No!" he exclaimed, grabbing her wrist before she could move. His sudden action startled the dragon, who started to lunge toward them, then stopped himself. They weren't being hostile toward each other, and Hiccup still seemed happy. He looked back and forth at them with a confused rumble.

Astrid broke away from his grip and got to her feet. "Hiccup, if he makes _one_ more unfriendly move, I'm sleeping upstairs, _alone!_ And it won't be just for tonight, either!"

Hiccup's exasperation was nearing the breaking point. "Man, I _hate_ being stuck in the..." Then his voice trailed off as his eyes went wide. "In the middle! _That's_ the problem!"

He looked around the room for something he could use to help communicate with the dragon. His eyes fell on Astrid's flower crown. He pulled a flower out and laid it on the floor in front of Toothless. "Okay, bud, try to follow me here. This is you," he said, pointing back and forth from the flower to the dragon. Toothless sniffed it curiously.

Then Hiccup pulled another flower and put it next to the first one. "This is me." He pointed to the second flower, then to himself, several times. The dragon bent down to look at it, then looked at Hiccup. Was he getting it?

He picked a third flower and set it in a line next to the other two. "This is Astrid." He pointed to her, then the flower. "Astrid, please sit right here, next to me." She sat; the three of them formed a line. Toothless glared down at her with slitted pupils.

"That's how you're looking at the three of us, bud," Hiccup went on. "But that's _not_ how it is! It's like _this_." He moved Astrid's flower so the three blossoms formed a triangle instead of a line. "Astrid, sit over here now."

"Would you make up your mind?" she asked. But she sat where he indicated, which brought her within arm's length of Toothless.

"You see, bud? I'm _not_ in the middle. I don't _have_ to choose between you and her. We're together now, all three of us." He rested one hand on Toothless' nose, and put the other arm around Astrid's shoulders. "She's as close to you as I am. You don't have to choose between me and her, either. And _you,_" he said to Astrid, "don't have to choose between me and him. Rub his nose. Please." She slowly reached up and did so, her hand right next to Hiccup's.

The dragon flinched for a moment. But Hiccup was relaxed and happy, and she still was not acting like the threat he'd thought she was. He looked at the triangle of the flowers again, then at the humans. He closed his eyes and let out his contented rumble. Hiccup went on.

"I need you to like her, Toothless. If you like her, that will make me happy. Also, she's going to make _me_ happy, and you'll like that. I really want the two most important, uhh, 'people' in my life to like each other, and not put me in the middle." The dragon purred, glancing back and forth between them. They all sat that way for a minute or so.

"So what happens now?" she asked quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Now that the Second Dragon War seems to be over, we all should try to get some sleep," Hiccup replied. "How's your head? Are you feeling sick to your stomach?"

"Hiccup, let me explain a couple of things about morning sickness. First –"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. If you hit your head and you feel sick, it could mean a serious head injury. I'd have to take you to see Gothi."

"If you took me to the healer on our wedding night, that would cause all kinds of talk in the village," she said. "I'm fine, except for my head, and that's starting to feel better. Thank you for being worried about me. And thank you for trying to put the dragon out, even if he wouldn't go. I know what he means to you, and I appreciate that you did it for me."

"I want to start this marriage right," he answered softly. "Telling my bride that she isn't Number One in my life wouldn't be a very good beginning, would it?" He lay back on the furs and motioned for her to join him. She blew out the lantern and the candles and lay down next to him in the dark, a bit nervously. The glow from the fire pit kept the room from being completely black.

They exchanged a good-night kiss, then another, and another, before she lightly pushed him away. "My head really does hurt. Tomorrow is another day."

"Don't remind me," he groaned. He was still dreading the show they'd have to put on for the village.

She hesitantly laid her head on his shoulder and began to relax. Soon, her breathing was soft and steady. He forgot his dread and just listened to her breathing in the dark, feeling her warmth against him, amazed at his good fortune.

He heard a quiet snort from behind him. "Hey, come join us, bud," he whispered. "Like I said, you're part of this team, too." In the darkness, he could just make out an even darker darkness lie down next to him. Toothless had wrapped himself around both of them, with his tail alongside Astrid and his head near Hiccup. She stirred slightly, but remained asleep.

"Good dragon," he whispered. "_Very_ good dragon."


	4. Chapter 4

**Man in the Middle** Chapter 4

Neither of them knew who woke up first the next morning. They both pretended to be asleep so they wouldn't wake the other. But the pretending ended when they heard many footsteps approaching the door.

"Are the happy newlyweds awake?" Stoick called from outside. If they _had_ been asleep, his bellow would have awakened them, so it wasn't a very useful question.

"Yes, we are," Hiccup called. Astrid's eyes eased open. Toothless picked his head up alertly.

"Are you going to... going to try again at, uhhh... you know?" the chief asked.

The bride and groom looked at each other nervously. After a few seconds, they both nodded glumly. They knew there was no escaping this. "Yes, we will," Hiccup said out loud.

"Very well. Bring in the witnesses," Stoick said, and flung the door open. Apparently, he'd forgotten about the dragon.

Toothless sensed Hiccup's rising stress level. Suddenly he understood. It wasn't the girl's fault at all! She had made peaceful gestures, with Hiccup's full approval. They had slept next to each other all night, and there was no question he liked that. _She_ made Hiccup happy. It was all those _other_ people who had upset him! It was _their_ fault! _And here they were __a__g__ain__!_

The witnesses started to file into the house, only to find the doorway suddenly blocked by a large, intimidating, extremely _angry_ Night Fury! Slitted pupils, bared teeth, angry snarls, flapping wings – they got the whole package. They stopped in their tracks, wide-eyed and... well, none of those courageous Vikings would ever admit to being _afraid_, but they came close to it. They certainly weren't going to try and get past him.

"Oh, my gosh! Call him off!" Astrid half-screamed.

Hiccup started to speak, and then stopped. She glanced at him in surprise, and saw him wearing his Hiccup half_-_grin. He'd just thought of something that would never occur to any other Viking.

"Good dragon!" he said. "Very _good_ dragon!"

Toothless took a quick glance back at Hiccup. Sure enough, his friend was pleased. The dragon resumed guarding the door with even greater zeal.

"Hiccup, what are you _doing?_" she demanded.

"Like my father said, there's something that you and I have to do, with witnesses," he explained, talking into her ear so she could hear him over the dragon's roaring. "All the witnesses are here, just like the law requires. But with him in the doorway, they can't see much. That's not _our_ fault, is it?"

Her shocked expression slowly changed into _that_ smile. He had first seen _that_ smile right after she first kissed him in public, and only a few times since. It had always been a promise of better things to come. Now, it was time. He smiled back. She flung both arms around him, and they fell back together onto the furs.

Outside, the men suspected that the bride and groom were doing what they were supposed to be doing. But, thanks to the agitated dragon, they could see almost nothing, and could hear even less. Every time someone got closer, or shifted positions to try and see better, it set Toothless off again, and everyone backed away. Now and then, the Night Fury would glance over his shoulder at the ones he was protecting, but his vigilance never faltered. He stood guard, angrily and noisily, for over half an hour. At last, they heard Hiccup call off the dragon.

They cautiously filed in. The newlyweds were sitting on the broken bed, fully dressed. Hiccup looked relaxed and rather pleased with himself. He hadn't liked the part where he'd had to cause Astrid some pain, but that really _was_ unavoidable, and he never had to do it again.

Astrid was still nervous about being the focus of this kind of attention. She might have put up a brave front if she'd had her axe and her battle gear, but all she had was her wedding dress. What was worse, they all knew what she'd just done. She felt naked under their scrutiny; she clung to her husband's arm for comfort. She'd never felt so frail in her life.

Toothless sat next to them on the floor, no longer raging, but still staring down the intruders with half-bared teeth. The witnesses kept their distance as best they could.

Stoick was the last to enter, glaring at his son. "What were you _thinking?_" he demanded. Before Hiccup could answer, the chief held up a hand and shook his head. "No, never mind. I know _exactly_ what you were thinking. I ought to be angry, but..." He turned to the witnesses. "You can check the sleeping furs for the proof that they've done their duty to Freyja. After that, I think we're done here." Astrid's brother found the fur with the telltale dark stain.

"What kind of public consummation was _that?_" someone complained.

"Should we make them do it over?" someone else asked.

"It was all done according to law and tradition," the chief answered solemnly. "But the law and the traditions don't say _anything_ about dragons getting in the way. The bride and groom acted in good faith. They've done their duty. The rest of us can go back to the Mead Hall and make the announcement. They'll join us in an hour or so for the presentation of the morning-gift." They all filed out, glad to get away from that insane dragon, with Stoick bringing up the rear. He winked at them just before he quietly closed the door. They were alone at last.

"Now I'm _glad_ you couldn't put the dragon out last night," Astrid said softly as she snuggled up against Hiccup. "Is he ever going to jump on me again?"

"I don't think so. I think he's reached an understanding with you. Maybe you didn't notice, but when he was guarding the door, he kept looking back at both of us, not just me."

"I didn't notice; I must have had something else on my mind. Anyway, how could he look at one of us and not the other, when we were..." she broke off in embarrassment.

"Trust me, I know him; I can tell these things," Hiccup smiled. "I think, when he pounced on you, that was his way of saying, '_That's_ for making Hiccup unhappy,' or so he thought. When he slept next to us, he was saying, 'That's for everything else.' And the guardian-at-the-door part? That was Toothless being Toothless. After all, he _is_ a dragon, and he's going to do dragon things sometimes, no matter what we say or do."

He stroked her cheek with a finger. "You may not have a perfectly peaceful friendship with him, but then, you and I probably won't be _perfectly_ peaceful the whole time, either. We'll make it work out. I know we will."

She smiled and kissed him lightly. Then she kissed him again like she meant it. They embraced, and as she looked over her husband's shoulder, she gazed into two large, contented pale-green eyes.

Hiccup was happy, so Toothless was happy. That wasn't so hard to figure out. She decided she was happy, too.

"Good dragon," she whispered. "_Very_ good dragon."

_THE END_


End file.
